by Rivqah Coover
The first and most important people we must share the evangel with is our own children. There are many wonderful ministry opportunities.... many people to be reached.... but if we neglect our first mission for another, we have let our children down. May we be servants of Yahweh... may we labor in His vineyards... may we go wherever He sends us and do whatever He calls us to do... but may no pursuit ever take the place of our children. Our children’s eternity depends largely on our loyalty to them, and we owe them that loyalty.
1. Our children’s souls are entrusted to us. They are our charge. We are responsible for them. “Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of Man cometh. For the Kingdom of Yahweh is as a man traveling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods; and unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to every man according to his several ability, and straightway took his journey.” (Matthew 25:13-15) Among other “talents” He has committed to us, Yahweh has entrusted us with the very precious “talents” of our children’s souls. A question could be posed: If someone had the resources to give you talents of gold, what would your response be? Would you refuse the gold? Would you ask the person to only give a few pieces? Once they gave it to you, would you protect it, or would you lay it out in the front yard for someone to come along and take? Our children are much much more precious than gold... but they are not regarded so in this society. Too often they are not wanted at all, and many who do want children want to limit their blessings to only one or two. Also, children are not protected, but are sent out into the world and subjected to an overwhelming amount of corrupting influences, opportunities, and teachings. Our children are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more precious than gold, and even if we don’t realize it, satan does, and if we send them out there unprotected, he is lying in wait ready to steal them. Are we thankful for this immeasurable gift Yahweh has offered to us? And if we do receive His gift, what will we do with it?
2. We must be willing to judge what is right and wrong for our families. “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.” (1 Timothy 3:12) Often “judgmentalism” is spoken against as wrong. It is true that there is a difference between righteous judgment and unrighteous judgment. Not all judgment is Scriptural. Of righteous judgment, however, Scripture says, “Hate the evil, and love the good, and establish judgment in the gate: it may be that Yahweh Elohim of hosts will be gracious unto the remnant of Joseph.” (Amos 5:15) Yahweh Himself stated, “For I Yahweh love judgment, I hate robbery for burnt offering; and I will direct their work in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them. And their seed shall be known among the gentiles, and their offspring among the people; all that see them shall acknowledge them, that they are the seed which Yahweh hath blessed.” (Isaiah 61:8-9) If fathers cannot judge what is right and acceptable in their families, as well as what is wrong and unacceptable, they cannot rule their children and their own houses well. On the other hand, we see that if families embrace Scriptural judgment, allow Yahweh to direct their works in truth, and cling to His everlasting covenant, the children will be blessed! We owe this to our children. We owe them blessing! “And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
3. We must take leadership to be sure that Yahweh’s standards are lived by in our homes. “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity.” (1 Timothy 3:4) While the father is instructed to rule his house well, Scripture also clarifies that the husband and wife are “heirs together” (1 Peter 3:7), and one way in which a wife fulfils her calling to be “an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18) is by coming alongside her husband, supporting his decisions, and aiding him in ruling the children. We see in Proverbs that both parents’ words stand as “law” to their children, and that parents who work in harmony together and train their children to honor both of them, bring blessing to their children. “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother. Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law is light, and reproofs of instruction are the way of life” (Proverbs 6:20-23)
4. We must be willing to correct and admonish our children, and also encourage them. “He that loveth his son causeth him oft to feel the rod, that he may have joy of him in the end. He that chastiseth his son shall have joy of him, and shall rejoice of him among his acquaintance. He that teacheth his son grieveth the enemy: and before his friends he shall rejoice of him. Though his father die, yet he is as though he were not dead, for he hath left one behind him that is like himself. While he lived, he saw and rejoiced in him, and when he died, he was not sorrowful. He left behind him an avenger against his enemies, and one that shall requite kindness to his friends.” (Sirach 30:1-6) We see a relationship here where the parent corrects his child because he delights in him, as is expressed in Proverbs 3:12 – “For whom Yahweh loveth He correcteth, even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.” The father described in Sirach does not correct his son to be mean or harsh; he delights in him; he rejoices in him; he sees a vision for his future; he enjoys having his son near him; he is molding him and shaping him to be the kind of man Yahweh wants him to be – he corrects him because he loves him. By not appropriately admonishing, training, and correcting his children, a father actually provokes them to a life of wrath (opposition and defiance towards Yahweh; unfulfillment; unrighteousness). “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of Yahweh.” (Ephesians 6:4)
5. We must not allow a “fear of being too judgmental” to result in us being lax in our guard and allowing unrighteousness to slip into our families. This unrighteousness does not only come from outside sources, but from within as well. We ought not try to convince ourselves that our children are holy little beings who could only learn bad habits from others. We need to be tuned in to the fact that each one of our precious treasures is born with the sin nature and will have many battles with self to overcome. “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” (Psalm 51:5) This is why our children need to be reborn. “Yahshua answered, and said unto him, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the Kingdom of Elohim.’ ” (John 3:3) “Yahshua answered, ‘Verily, verily I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the Kingdom of Elohim. That which is born of the flesh, is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit, is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.’ ” (John 3:5-7) So for the sake of our children – because of the battles they will have to fight with the evil influence of their own selves, and the battles they will have to fight with outside sources – we must judge what is right and wrong, carefully guard and guide them, and help them to reach victory. “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” (John 7:24) “And I charged your judges at that time, saying, Hear the causes between your brethren, and judge righteously between every man and his brother, and the stranger that is with him. Ye shall not respect persons in judgment, but you shall hear the small as well as the great: you shall not be afraid of the face of man, for the judgment is Elohim’s: and the cause that is too hard for you, bring it unto me, and I will hear it.” (Deuteronomy 1:16-17) There are several practical family applications that we can draw from this portion of Scripture.
A) Yahweh has charged us to judge on behalf of our families.
B) This Scripture tells the judges to judge between brethren, and also the stranger that is with the brethren. Our responsibility as parents is to judge the issues that arise in our children within the home (between brethren), as well as problems that may come about as a result to negative exposure in the outside world (the “stranger”), which will occur, though we try to shelter our children.
C) We should not show partiality in our judgment. What is unacceptable and unScriptural is unacceptable and unScriptural, period. The fact that a wrong attitude or behavior is exercised by a dearly beloved child does not change the fact that it is wrong. For love our dear children, we must firmly remain grounded on the fact that certain things ARE wrong.
D) We cannot attempt to judge on behalf of our families on our own. There will be many things that will be too hard for us (given our own weaknesses, lack of understanding, and humanity), and we must always remember to be dependent on Yahweh and to seek His wisdom in guarding and training our children.
6. We must be careful who our children’s friends are. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20) Something we should be teaching our children is to build edifying relationships not only with people their own age, but also with those older than them. Children and young adults can be blessed and profited by sweet companionships with others their own age, but it is also an extremely important part of their character training to have them walk with wise men: with fathers and mothers and grandfathers and grandmothers, both their own and others. Our children need the wisdom of those who are more mature, those who are more experienced, those who can pass on to them the values of yesterday. Our children need good role models to look up to. Of course, just as we must carefully discern the character of our children’s young friends, we must also be very careful which adults our children look up to. Not just any older person will do. Proverbs 13 directs us to “wise men”. An older person who exemplifies lack of values, poor choices, and low morals will not be a good role model for our children, but will instead likely be a downfall for the young person who looks up to him or her.
7. We must lead our children to intimate relationships with Yahshua. This is something we CANNOT let up to the assembly or anyone else. It is OUR responsibility. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) This Scripture does not promise that the child will someday return to what he was taught, but rather, that he will not depart from it. What we are to be cultivating our children in is not merely a list of do’s and don’t’s that they grudgingly obey because that is what is expected of them. No, we have a much higher aim than this. We are to cultivate in our children a love for Yahweh, a respect for Him, and an earnest desire to please Him. Such cultivation, along with the giving of appropriate rules and instructions, will result in the next generation rising up with an earnest love for the Savior, a passionate desire for truth, and a faithful adherence to what is pure and right.
8. We must be very careful what books our children read. “But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned, and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; and that from a child, thou hast known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation, through faith which is in Messiyah Yahshua. All Scripture is given by inspiration of Elohim, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of Elohim may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:14-17) “Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.” (1 Timothy 4:13) “And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear Elohim, and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” (Ecclesiastes 12:12-13) Just because so-and-so reads a book doesn’t necessarily make it O-K. “Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men’s sins. Keep thyself pure.” (1 Timothy 5:22) This is not to say that we should be critical of everyone who does not have the same standards for reading material that we do, but we must not allow our standards to be lowered just because of traditional opinion.
9. Our children must be accountable to us. “Tobiyah then answered and said, ‘Father, I will do all things which thou hast commanded me.’ ” (Tobit 5:1) Tobiyah’s father had instructed him to go to Rages and retrieve some money from a man named Gabael. Tobiyah replied, as we read above, that he would do all that his father had told him to, but then continued in Tobit 5:2, to ask, “But how can I receive the money, seeing I know him not?” The story continues with the father instructing his son to take a man along with him who can help him in his journey. “Then he (the father) gave him the handwriting, and said unto him, ‘Seek thee a man which may go with thee whiles I yet live, and I will give him wages, and go, and receive the money.’ Therefore, when he (Tobiyah) went to seek a man, he found Raphael that was an angel. But he knew not; and he said unto him, ‘Canst thou go with me to Rages? And knowest thou those places well?’ To whom the angel said, ‘I will go with thee, and I know the way well, for I have lodged with our brother Gabael (the man who had the money).’ Then Tobiyah said unto him, ‘Tarry for me till I tell my father.’ Then he said unto him, ‘Go, and tarry not.’ So he went in and said to his father, ‘Behold, I have found one which will go with me.’ Then he (the father) said, ‘Call him unto me, that I may know of what tribe he is, and whether he be a trusty man to go with thee.’ ” (Tobit 5:3-8) Notice the accountability between the father and the son here. The son does not just do whatever he feels like. He does not express an attitude of wanting to be independent. He does not become offended by his father’s instruction, and ask, “Why do you need to see the man? Don’t you trust my discernment?” Instead, “he called him” (Tobit 5:9) as his father directed. “And he came in, and they saluted one another. Then Tobit (the father) said unto him, ‘Brother, shew me of what tribe and family thou art.’ To whom he said, ‘Dost thou seek for a tribe or family, or an hired man to go with thy son?’ Then Tobit said unto him, “I would know, brother, thy kindred and thy name.’ The he said, ‘I am Azariah, the son of Ananiah the great, and of thy brethren.’ Then Tobit said, “Thou art welcome, brother. Be not now angry with me, because I have inquired to know thy tribe and thy family, for thou art my brother, and an honest and good stock: for I know Ananiah, and Jonathan son of that great Samaiah, as we went together to Jerusalem to worship, and offered the firstborn, and the tenths of the fruits, and they were not seduced with the error of our brethren: my brother, thou art of a good stock. But tell me, what wages shall I give thee? Wilt thou a drachme a day, and things necessary as to my own son? Yea, moreover, if ye return safe, I will add something to thy wages.’ So they were well pleased. Then said he to Tobiyah, ‘Prepare thyself for the journey, and Elohim send you a good journey.’ And when his son had prepared all things for the journey, his father said, ‘Go with this man, and Elohim which dwelleth in heaven prosper your journey, and the angel of Elohim keep you company.’ So they went forth both, and the young man’s dog with them.” (Tobit 5:9-16) It is beautiful to see the accountability practiced in this family. Even though Tobiyah was a young man, his father wisely saw that he should not send him on such a long journey alone and unprotected. We often think about sheltering and protecting our daughters, but we would do well to give consideration to the fact that sons need protected as well. While our sons will probably be “out in the world” more than our daughters will, we bless our sons by having a relationship with them in which they are accountable to us, and by raising them to shun the independent “I’m my own man” attitude.
10. We must lead our children to want to be accountable to Yahweh. “Bless Yahweh thy Elohim always, and desire of Him that thy ways may be directed, and that all thy paths and counsels may prosper: for every nation hath not counsel, but Yahweh Himself giveth all good things, and He humbleth who He will, as He will; now therefore, my son, remember my commandments, neither let them be put out fo thy mind.” (Tobit 4:19) Mere accountability to us will profit little if our children never learn to be accountable to Yahweh. Our lives are temporary, and we never know when our children will be left without us to finish their walk of faith. Yahweh, on the other hand, remains forever, a sure and constant guide for our children, and a friend and Father whom they can always depend on.
11. The things we expect of our family members, we must live out before them. “And they that are Messiyah’s have impaled the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:24-25) “For Yahweh Elohim is a sun and shield; Yahweh will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11) “Praise ye Yahweh. Blessed is the man that feareth Yahweh, that delighteth greatly in His commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon earth; the generation of the upright shall be blessed.” (Psalm 112:1-2) “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4) “And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, ‘This is the way; walk ye in it’, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.” (Isaiah 30:21) “If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.” (John 13:17) Can we truly say to our children, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Messiyah” (1 Corinthians 11:1) and “Those things which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do, and the Elohim of peace shall be with you” (Philippians 4:9)?
12. We must seek Yahweh’s help in being discretionary parents. “Teach me, O Yahweh, the way of Thy statutes, and I shall keep it unto the end. Give me understanding, and I shall keep Thy Law; yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Make me to go in the path of Thy commandments, for therein do I delight.” (Psalm 119:33-35) While Scripture promises that if we train our children in the way they should go, they will not depart.... each one of us needs to realize our own inability to train our children in this way. As Yahshua said, “Without Me, ye can do nothing.” (John 15:5) We need to recognize our own helplessness and lack of understanding, and cry out to Yahweh that He teach us His ways, give us understanding, and make us and our children to go in the path of His commandments. We can have faithful children. Yahweh will fulfil His promises. But, we need to cling to Him and allow Him to give us His wisdom and strength.... for without Him we can do nothing. The other side of the story, though, is that “the things which are impossible with men are possible with Elohim” (Luke 18:27), for “with Elohim, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.” (Matthew 19:26) Halleluyah!!!!!!!